Friday, September 23, 2016

#6 Madeline Smith

Madeline Smith’s Wikipedia article cuts straight to the chase. In the third paragraph, it simply states, “She was noted for her ample breasts.” She was also known for her Hammer credits, a stint as a Bond girl (where Roger Moore undid her zipper with his magnetic watch), and plenty of Brit TV. That last bit was mostly in comedic roles, primarily of the wink-wink-nudge-nudge variety. 

In the many interviews I came across on the Internets, she comes across as incredibly sweet. And she still looks great today.

Embarrassing Movies
  • The Devil’s Widow
  • The Vampire Lovers
  • Anyone for Sex?
  • Theatre of Blood
  • Taste the Blood of Dracula
  • Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell

Embarrassing Taglines
  • She drained them of their manhood - and then of their LIVES!
  • His brain came from a genius. His body came from a killer. His soul came from hell!
  • An erotic nightmare of tormented lusts that throb in headless, undead bodies!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Miss UK
  • Miss Clutterbuck
  • Miss Nupkins
  • Miss Bedwell
  • Erotica

Interesting Tidbits
  • Was discovered in her father’s antique shop
  • Returned to acting in 2011 after an 11-year absence
  • Her 2000 appearance, in turn, came after a 14-year break
  • Played the female lead in The Mousetrap (the longest running play of all time) for a couple of years 

Where can I learn more?


Friday, September 16, 2016

#7 Mara Corday

Ava Gardner look-alike Mara Corday is pretty much forgotten today. The brunette sexpot was quite active during the ‘50s though – as pin-up; Playboy playmate; and star of sci-fi and exploitation flicks, as well as two-bit TV shows (The Man from Blackhawk, anyone?). She pretty much gave up acting at age 30 to raise her family.

Embarrassing Real Name:  Marilyn Watts (Mara’s from Marilyn, Corday came from a perfume ad she saw in a magazine)

Cheesy Pageant Titles
  • Go Girl
  • Ich Bon Girl
  • Honorary Fire Chief, Universal City, CA

Embarrassing Movies
  • Undersea Girl
  • Girls on the Loose
  • Problem Girls
  • Tarzan and the She-Devil
  • The Giant Claw

Embarrassing Taglines
  • The daring and startling story of wild young love!
  • Nothing can tame them, scandal can't shame them!
  • The hideous inhuman being that defied every law of nature
  • More terrifying than any horror known to man comes a creeping, crawling monster whose towering fury no one can escape!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Nono
  • Paca
  • Stick Lady
  • Moccasin Mary

Unlikely Spouses & Boyfriends
  • Lex Barker (former Tarzan)
  • Audie Murphy 
  • John Wayne

Whiffs of Scandal
  • Worked as an underage showgirl
  • Appeared in mags such as Cover Girl Models, Modern Man, He, and The Male Point
  • Appeared in Playboy (though times were so innocent she managed to keep her clothes on and still be Playmate of the Month)

Interesting Tidbits
  • Fascinated by movies from an early age, was an autograph hound and an usherette
  • Was once the most photographed woman in the world, posing for over 10,000 pictures
  • Shared top billing once with a mule (Francis Joins the WACS)
  • Still does bit parts for friend Clint Eastwood

Where can I learn more?

And you call that cheesecake?

<#8                    #6>

Friday, September 9, 2016

#8 Mari Blanchard

The model for Lil’ Abner’s Stupefyin’ Jones, Mari Blanchard starred in many ‘50s oaters before turning her attention to TV.  The blonde turned brunette (what’s that all about?) was famous for playing bad girls. There’s a wonderful video of her in a classic catfight on YouTube.

Cheesy Pageant Titles
  • Miss Click, Hollywood Cameramen’s Guild
  • Aye Girl, Pacific Fleet
  • Miss Classy Chassis, United Auto Workers

Embarrassing Movies
  • Stagecoach to Fury
  • Jungle Heat
  • She Devil
  • Don’t Knock the Twist
  • Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

Embarrassing Taglines
  • They’re out of this world on a misguided missile!
  • Hold on to your turbans!  Here comes Adventure’s boldest son!
  • Never such a tender love story!  Never such a savage showdown!  Never such restless natives!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Allura
  • Burma
  • Madame Gamar
  • Countess Van Hochenstein

Number of Marriages:  3

Shortest Marriage:  2 months

Unlikely Spouses and Boyfriends
  • Victor Mature
  • Lance Fuller (Ed Wood favorite)
  • Mel Torme
  • George Raft

Whiffs of Scandal:  Was in murdered gangster Johnny Stompanato’s little black book

Untimely Demise:  At age 47, from cancer

Interesting Tidbits
  • Her mom was a psychotherapist
  • Had polio as a child
  • Ran away and joined the circus at age 17
  • Had a degree in international law
  • Discovered in a bubble bath ad
  • Answered all her own fan mail

Where can I learn more?

Nice hat!

<#9                    #7>

Friday, September 2, 2016

#9 Barbara Steele

Hard to believe, but I haven’t always been a fan of La Steele. For one thing, she always seemed a little funny looking. Plus, I had only seen some of her weaker, just-phoning-it-in efforts.

A quick look at some of her better stuff though (Black Sunday, for example) quickly disabused me of those notions. She really is something else. Those eyes. That eroticism. Her very belle laide (i.e., unconventional) beauty. Her ability to portray both the innocent and the evil – along with an uncanny ability to make that evil appear extremely attractive. She truly is one of a kind.

Embarrassing Real Birthplace:  Birkenhead

Embarrassing Movies
  • The She Beast
  • Nightmare Castle
  • Orgasmo
  • Castle of Blood
  • Curse of the Crimson Altar
  • Terror Creatures from the Grave
  • The Long Hair of Death

Embarrassing Taglines with the Word “Orgy” in Them
  • The living and the dead change places in an orgy of terror!
  • They rise from dank coffins in the dead of night, murdering their victims in an orgy of slaughter!
  • The Undead Demons of Hell Terrorize the World in an Orgy of Stark Horror!

Additional Embarrassing Taglines
  • What obscene prayer or human sacrifice can satisfy the Devil-God?
  • The candle of his lust burnt brightest in the shadow of the grave!
  • His secret was a coffin named DESIRE!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Cleo Hauff
  • Bozena
  • Idat
  • Grandma (Lost River, 2014)

Interesting Tidbits
  • Studied to be a painter
  • First acting gig was on Brighton Pier 
  • Was slated to be an Elvis girl, but walked off the set when they asked her to go blonde (with Barbara Eden taking her part)
  • Was in Fellini’s masterpiece 8 ½ 
  • Also worked in the spy (The Monocle), sword-and-sandal (Rampage of Evil), babes-behind-bars (Caged Heat), and sci-fi (The Space-Watch Murders) genres
  • Is quite dismissive of her horror career
  • Became a producer later in her career, winning an Emmy for War and Remembrance
  • Was an associate producer on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Where can I learn more?

Nice hat!

<#10                    #8>

Friday, August 26, 2016

#10 Martine Beswick

Martine Beswick may be my all-time favorite villainess. Cool, sleek, haughty, and “with razor-blade cheekbones, firmly set jaw and hungry eyes” (IMDb), she could always be counted on to be the very embodiment of evil and cruelty.

Interestingly, though, Martine got her start by appearing in several Bond flicks. Her catfight scene in From Russia with Love is definitely worth looking up on YouTube. In fact, she developed something of a reputation for catfights, going mano a mano with Raquel Welch in the caveman flick One Million Years BC.

Beswick was also a “Hammer honey” (where she did the majority of her villainess work), did some spaghetti westerns, was in a little soft porn, and did a fair amount of American TV (even including some soaps). She’s on the convention circuit these days, and still looks stunning.

Real Name:  Mary Beswick

Cheesy Pageant Titles
  • Miss Autoville (?!?!)
  • Miss Jamaica, runner up

Embarrassing Movies
  • Prehistoric Women
  • Slave Girls
  • Doctor Jekyll and Sister Hyde (yup, Jekyll’s alter ego is a chick!)
  • Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell
  • Last Tango in Zagarol

Embarrassing Taglines
  • Savage Struggle! Primitive Passions! Deadly Jealousy!
  • A Band of Killers Stalk the Countryside ... LOOTING ... KILLING ... LOVING ... Everything in Sight!
  • Travel back through time and space to the edge of man's beginnings... discover a savage world whose only law was lust!
  • PARENTS: Be sure your children are sufficiently mature to witness the intimate details of this frank and revealing film

Embarrassing Characters
  • Shali Giba
  • Kandia
  • Queen Kari
  • Nupondi of the Rock People
  • Queen of Evil

Whiffs of Scandal
  • Nudes in Playboy 
  • The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood

Interesting Tidbits
  • Born in Jamaica to British parents
  • Was spotted by a talent scout in a local travelogue
  • Was in Oliver Stone’s first film, Seizure

Where can I learn more?

Nice, er, hat?

<#11                    #9>

Sunday, August 21, 2016

#11 Pam Grier

Well, we certainly can’t have a blog about B movie babes without including Pam Grier. She’s got the bod, the movies, and that incredible ‘tude as well. In case you weren’t already aware, her specialties were babes-behind-bars and blaxploitation flicks. Her typical character was total bad-ass – and total fox – all at the same time. She totally didn't need it, but her career was completely resurrected when Quentin Tarantino put her in Jackie Brown in 1997.

Embarrassing Real Birthplace:  Winston-Salem, NC

Embarrassing Movies
  • Strip Search
  • Black Mama, White Mama
  • Ghosts of Mars
  • Scream Blacula Scream
  • Women in Cages

Embarrassing Taglines
  • The baddest one-chick hit-squad that ever hit town!
  • A chick with drive who don't take no jive!
  • See wild women fight to the death!
  • She's brown sugar and spice, but if don't treat her nice, she'll put you on ice!
  • Chicks in Chains... on the lam from a prison hell - manacled together by hate and the strange ideas a woman gets after 1000 nights without a man.
  • Animal desires... Human lust. Test Tube terrors... Half beast... all monster.

Embarrassing Characters
  • Gozelda
  • Vera Cruz
  • Ayesa, the Panther Woman
  • Dust Witch
  • Eleanor Braithwaite Winthrop

Unlikely Spouses & Boyfriends
  • Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
  • Freddie Prinze
  • Richard Pryor

Interesting Tidbits
  • Is part Black, Asian, Hispanic, and Native American
  • Is the cousin of football star Rosey Greer
  • Was a military brat
  • Came in 3rd in the Colorado state competition for the Miss Universe pageant
  • Was a cheerleader for the Denver Broncos
  • Was discovered working as a receptionist at American International Pictures (probably the B movie company of all time)
  • Sang the theme song in The Big Doll House
  • Was on the cover of Ms. and Playboy at the same time
  • Holds two honorary doctorates
  • Is a big knitter

Where can I learn more?



Friday, August 12, 2016

#12 Magda Konopka

I’m afraid Magda’s a bit on the obscure side. I just couldn’t find that much about her. That said, she sure is a babe. And she was certainly in her fair share of B’s as well. Anyway, here’s to you, Magda!

Embarrassing Real Name
  • With a name like that? You’ve got to be kidding!
  • Though also known as Malgorzata Jolanta Desy de Boucherville

Cheesy Pageant Titles:  Lady Universe

Embarrassing Movies
  • Code Name Is Kill
  • Loves of a Nymphomaniac
  • Our Lady of Lust
  • Sex, Demons and Death
  • When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth
  • Amazons Against Superman
  • Super Stooges Vs. the Wonder Women

Embarrassing Taglines
  • Risky Business in the World's Hottest Red-Light District!
  • Super-human feats of strength! Super-thrilling deeds of daring! Super-fantastic conquests of adventure!
  • Their target: HELL-ON-EARTH! Their job: HIT IT HEAD-ON!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Conchita Paronda
  • Beghira, Amazon Queen
  • Sweet Mama

Shortest Marriage:  3 months

Unlikely Spouses & Boyfriends:  Sean Connery

Whiffs of Scandal
  • Appearances in Penthouse and Playmen (an Italian Playboy)
  • Divorce proceedings cited severe beatings from her millionaire husband. He claims she cheated on and stole things from him.

Interesting Tidbits
  • Descended from Polish nobility
  • Started out as a model
  • Her Wikipedia entry includes the following interesting observations:
    • She claimed she wanted to keep a bear in her house, but this was not allowed under Italian laws.
    • In Rome, Konopka settled in the Parioli district, eating only smoked salmon that her mother sent her from London.
  • Likewise Glamour Girls of the Silver Screen:
    • A few days with Marchesa Camillo Casati Stampa and his wife on the Sardinian island of Zannone have legal repercussions.
    • Confesses to have gained 10 kilos since her modeling days and to have attended some wrong parties.

Where can I learn more?

<#13                    #11>