Friday, August 26, 2016

#10 Martine Beswick

Martine Beswick may be my all-time favorite villainess. Cool, sleek, haughty, and “with razor-blade cheekbones, firmly set jaw and hungry eyes” (IMDb), she could always be counted on to be the very embodiment of evil and cruelty.

Interestingly, though, Martine got her start by appearing in several Bond flicks. Her catfight scene in From Russia with Love is definitely worth looking up on YouTube. In fact, she developed something of a reputation for catfights, going mano a mano with Raquel Welch in the caveman flick One Million Years BC.

Beswick was also a “Hammer honey” (where she did the majority of her villainess work), did some spaghetti westerns, was in a little soft porn, and did a fair amount of American TV (even including some soaps). She’s on the convention circuit these days, and still looks stunning.

Real Name:  Mary Beswick

Cheesy Pageant Titles
  • Miss Autoville (?!?!)
  • Miss Jamaica, runner up

Embarrassing Movies
  • Prehistoric Women *
  • Slave Girls
  • Doctor Jekyll and Sister Hyde *
  • Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell *
  • Last Tango in Zagarol
* - author has seen

Embarrassing Taglines
  • Savage Struggle! Primitive Passions! Deadly Jealousy!
  • A Band of Killers Stalk the Countryside ... LOOTING ... KILLING ... LOVING ... Everything in Sight!
  • Travel back through time and space to the edge of man's beginnings... discover a savage world whose only law was lust!
  • PARENTS: Be sure your children are sufficiently mature to witness the intimate details of this frank and revealing film

Embarrassing Characters
  • Shali Giba
  • Kandia
  • Queen Kari
  • Nupondi of the Rock People
  • Queen of Evil

Whiffs of Scandal
  • Nudes in Playboy 
  • The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood

Interesting Tidbits
  • Born in Jamaica to British parents
  • Was spotted by a talent scout in a local travelogue
  • Was in Oliver Stone’s first film, Seizure

Where can I learn more?

Nice, er, hat?

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Sunday, August 21, 2016

#11 Pam Grier

Well, we certainly can’t have a blog about B movie babes without including Pam Grier. She’s got the bod, the movies, and that incredible ‘tude as well. In case you weren’t already aware, her specialties were babes-behind-bars and blaxploitation flicks. Her typical character was total bad-ass – and total fox – all at the same time. She totally didn't need it, but her career was completely resurrected when Quentin Tarantino put her in Jackie Brown in 1997.

Embarrassing Real Birthplace:  Winston-Salem, NC

Embarrassing Movies
  • Strip Search
  • Black Mama, White Mama
  • Ghosts of Mars
  • Scream Blacula Scream
  • Women in Cages *
* - author has seen

Embarrassing Taglines
  • The baddest one-chick hit-squad that ever hit town!
  • A chick with drive who don't take no jive!
  • See wild women fight to the death!
  • She's brown sugar and spice, but if don't treat her nice, she'll put you on ice!
  • Chicks in Chains... on the lam from a prison hell - manacled together by hate and the strange ideas a woman gets after 1000 nights without a man.
  • Animal desires... Human lust. Test Tube terrors... Half beast... all monster.

Embarrassing Characters
  • Gozelda
  • Vera Cruz
  • Ayesa, the Panther Woman
  • Dust Witch
  • Eleanor Braithwaite Winthrop

Unlikely Spouses & Boyfriends
  • Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
  • Freddie Prinze
  • Richard Pryor

Interesting Tidbits
  • Is part Black, Asian, Hispanic, and Native American
  • Is the cousin of football star Rosey Greer
  • Was a military brat
  • Came in 3rd in the Colorado state competition for the Miss Universe pageant
  • Was a cheerleader for the Denver Broncos
  • Was discovered working as a receptionist at American International Pictures (probably the B movie company of all time)
  • Sang the theme song in The Big Doll House
  • Was on the cover of Ms. and Playboy at the same time
  • Holds two honorary doctorates
  • Is a big knitter

Where can I learn more?


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Friday, August 12, 2016

#12 Magda Konopka

I’m afraid Magda’s a bit on the obscure side. I just couldn’t find that much about her. That said, she sure is a babe. And she was certainly in her fair share of B’s as well. Anyway, here’s to you, Magda!

Embarrassing Real Name
  • With a name like that? You’ve got to be kidding!
  • Though also known as Malgorzata Jolanta Desy de Boucherville

Cheesy Pageant Titles:  Lady Universe

Embarrassing Movies
  • Code Name Is Kill
  • Loves of a Nymphomaniac
  • Our Lady of Lust
  • Sex, Demons and Death
  • When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth *
  • Amazons Against Superman (AKA Super Stooges Vs. the Wonder Women) *
*  - author has seen

Embarrassing Taglines
  • Risky Business in the World's Hottest Red-Light District!
  • Super-human feats of strength! Super-thrilling deeds of daring! Super-fantastic conquests of adventure!
  • Their target: HELL-ON-EARTH! Their job: HIT IT HEAD-ON!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Conchita Paronda
  • Beghira, Amazon Queen
  • Sweet Mama

Shortest Marriage:  3 months

Unlikely Spouses & Boyfriends:  Sean Connery

Whiffs of Scandal
  • Appearances in Penthouse and Playmen (an Italian Playboy)
  • Divorce proceedings cited severe beatings from her millionaire husband. He claims she cheated on and stole things from him.

Interesting Tidbits
  • Descended from Polish nobility
  • Started out as a model
  • Her Wikipedia entry includes the following interesting observations:
    • She claimed she wanted to keep a bear in her house, but this was not allowed under Italian laws.
    • In Rome, Konopka settled in the Parioli district, eating only smoked salmon that her mother sent her from London.
  • Likewise Glamour Girls of the Silver Screen:
    • A few days with Marchesa Camillo Casati Stampa and his wife on the Sardinian island of Zannone have legal repercussions.
    • Confesses to have gained 10 kilos since her modeling days and to have attended some wrong parties.

Where can I learn more?

Arguably, my favorite cheese 
cake photo of all time

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Friday, August 5, 2016

#13 Edy Williams

Sometimes, it’s good to know when to quit. With her knockout figure (39-26-37), gorgeous hair, and lively personality, Edy Williams was very popular in the ‘60s and ‘70s. As the years went by and her looks began to fade, however, Edy continued to hang on any way she could (including the occasional porno). She is known today mostly for showing up at the Oscars pretty much half undressed, year after year after year (and used to do something very similar in Cannes).

Embarrassing Real Name:  Edwina Williams

Embarrassing Real Birthplace:  Salt Lake City

Cheesy Pageant Titles
  • Hollywood Deb Star
  • Miss California Bikini
  • Miss San Fernando Valley
  • Miss Tarzana
  • Miss Sherman Oaks
  • Miss Encino
  • White Cane Day Queen

Embarrassing Movies
  • The Naked Kiss *
  • Lady Lust
  • Hollywood Hot Tubs
  • Bad Girls from Mars
  • I Sailed to Tahiti with an All-Girl Crew
  • Snatch Masters 6
* - author has seen

Embarrassing Taglines
  • It's ship-shapely all-girl crew took turns shaping up for the captain's watch
  • Shock and Shame Story of a Night Girl!
  • White hot desire melts cold prison steel!

Embarrassing Characters
  • Bikini girl
  • Saloon girl
  • Slave girl
  • Call girl
  • Mail room girl
  • Heather Darling
  • Ashley St. Ives
  • Hatrack

Unlikely Spouses & Boyfriends
  • Russ Myer (her only marriage)
  • George Jessel
  • Mobster Mickey Cohen
  • Reggie Jackson
  • Wilt Chamberlin
  • Richard Pryor
  • Henry Kissinger

Whiffs of Scandal
  • Playboy appearance
  • Lots and lots of nudity
  • A little porn

Interesting Tidbits
  • Is descended from prominent Mormons
  • Grew up next to Johnny Carson
  • Insured her breasts for $1M with Lloyds of London

Where can I learn more?

Still lookin' good!

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